Bee's Wing

Anyone have any tips for snapping ones self out of an existential crisis?

Oh, I should clarify that this is not so much about “what am I going to do with my life” as it is more about what is life, who am I, why is it that we are all so alone? blah, blah, blah….

Tagged: these thoughts are not pleasant.

One of my stories…

Mid April of 2011:

I am laying in the back seat of my Sunfire. All of my faire gear, over half of my wardrobe and various books are piled up on the back floor boards of my little coupe. I have a light blanket thrown haphazardly across my body and the pile with both my legs, my upper torso and various items jutting out from underneath it like rocks in a shallow river bed.

The night air pours in from my open windows, a nearby generator humming steadily would have me to sleep by now were it not for the night’s earlier events.

Just hours before I had been drug by my stumbling, intoxicated boss towards a neighboring campground. Whilst leaning on me for support, left arm latched about my shoulders to prevent escape, he rambled on about how I am a musician and I need to be “here”. I needed to remain in this community of other musicians who can teach and lead me.

His speech made me stop struggling to get away. The words he was saying were just an outward manifestation of the very feeling I had been experiencing all weekend. I wanted to hear more, and so I let him lean on me and I followed him to this seemingly random campground, Sherwood gravel rolling beneath my boots.

Upon arriving there I realized that this was the camp of a group of musicians I had come to highly admire. But too intimidated to ever strike up a genuine conversation with them, they still seemed to me this group of celebrity-like status who I couldn’t possibly dream of being friends with.

I felt my heart flutter like a butterfly in a jar. The stars twinkled in rhythm with the nervous laughter I was holding inside. This was quickly becoming an infinite kind of night.

Louie gave me one last pull and there I was, in the middle of a grouping of trailers, one of a only a handful of people privileged enough to be privy to this late night impromptu jam session being played by various members of Circa Paleo, VaNa Mazi and Wino Vino.

I was speechless.

An hour passed by like mere seconds, I devoured new music and the new renderings of their songs like I had never heard harmony before.

And then I felt a light brushing of arm against arm. Jenny O’Connor looked over, smiled at me and then said to the group, “Kendra sings beautifully and I bet she will play us a song.”

I turned beat red and tried to refuse but a guitar was placed in my lap and anticipating eyes focused in on me. I sang. An old Keith Whitley song my grandfather taught me a long while ago.

During my performance, I began shaking. Some combination of the night air growing colder, nerves, and excitement was taking effect. But my heart was so warmed I felt as though I had drank a strong whiskey as I listed to those musicians I loved backingme.They were playing and singing harmony whileItook the lead. 

They all took turns complementing me, transforming my face from pale to pink to scarlet as they went on.

I felt an infinite sense of belonging. I never wanted to leave that spot. I never wanted to leave their company. I felt at peace, like the middle piece of a puzzle must feel when it’s tucked in securely on all sides by the other pieces that share those perfect complimenting shapes.

That entire night, even laying in my car in disbelief, I was infinite.

The rennie community is one I never intend on leaving.

Everybody has a story…

Whether it’s exciting and unbelievable or common but undeniably beautiful, I want to hear it.

I crave inspiration.Realinspiration. I want to hear those stories that have become a part of you. I want to know about those moments in which you felt infinite, felt terribly alone or just felt a simple but profound peace.

I want to know what makes you, you.

Please, if you have a memory that has been engraved into your very being, share it. I am sure it will have an effect on at least one other person.

What shaped who you have become?

Tagged: Can you spare a story for a lowly folk singer?

Things people don’t tell you about getting healthier:

healthiie:

• You’re going to have to pee every 20 min.
• You’re going to kick your own ass through workouts you kinda (really actually) hate until its sore for days and somehow you’re going to love and adore it?
• You’re going to have this unexplainable, insatiable urge to post pictures of everything you eat on the internet.

Source: healthiie